RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE

Our close and intimate attachments with our partners formulate a significant investment of our time, energy and finances. They reflect who we are as individuals and can bring out the best and worst in our character. When our relationships and family lives are healthy, more often than not so are we.

Just like gardens, relationships require nurturing and maintenance. If neglected, unhelpful interactions like weeds can take over. Under duress relationships fall into familiar patterns which are not necessarily healthy, and without constructive interventions relationships will devolve into survival of the fittest.

WHAT CONTRIBUTES TO RELATIONSHIP ISSUES?

A general lack of consideration for the other and taking your partner for granted contributes to relationship issues, with the expectation that our partner thinks, behaves and expresses themselves in the same manner as what we do is a flaw. Lack of acceptance and understanding that we are all different can be a driving force of conflict in a relationship.

DIVORCE PROOF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Researchers identify a number of factors that can predict that a relationship won’t survive and it centres on our interactions with one another. Their research shows that it is important to build on the foundation of the relationship and build a solid friendship. Stan Tatkin describes this as a ‘couple bubble’ or a sense of togetherness, referred to as a team. Contempt means the manner in which we speak to our partners in a critical and disrespectful way. Oftentimes we communicate with work colleagues and strangers in a more civil and courteous way than with our partner.

COMMUNICATION

In the ‘busy-ness’ of life we often neglect the importance of communicating or we assume that our partner knows what we want, or what we mean. They ‘should’ know how we feel.
With a lack of quality communication there is a real disconnect, a sense that we are operating as individuals and not as a couple. Other things and people become important and provide the feedback that we would like from our partner.

Couples need to spend both quality and quantity time together to discuss plans, inform each other of what else is going on in their lives and well as share experiences and laughter. Humour and having fun with our partners is important as it increases dopamine (a ‘feel good’ chemical) in the brain as well as increases attachment; the bond we share with another person.